ripped by antsh
[music]
- WE HAVE AN INCREDIBLE HISTORY,
YOU AND I, DON'T WE?
- YES. - WE GO BACK TO THE '60s,
WHEN BOTH OF US WERE STARTING OUT.
- I WAS HIRED WITH FRED WILLARD IN 1965,
IN MARCH OF '65,
AND YOU WERE THE REIGNING STAR AT SECOND CITY...
- [chuckles] - IN CHICAGO.
AND YOU WERE SOMETHING TO SEE.
- I MUST HAVE BEEN SO DELIGHTFUL
AND EASY TO WORK WITH.
- YOU WERE NOT. - [laughs]
- YOU WERE DIFFICULT AND BRILLIANT.
BUT I GOT MY CHANCE WHEN YOU WENT
WITH A COMPANY TO LONDON. - YEAH.
- AND THEN FRED AND I HAD A CHAN--
WELL, ESPECIALLY ME. I SHOULDN'T--
BUT I HAD A CHANCE TO BLOSSOM, AND, UH--
BUT I LEARNED A LOT. I LEARNED A LOT FROM YOU.
AND--AND, UH,
A SORT OF MASTERY OF TIMING.
BECAUSE I HAD RAW TALENT BEFORE I WENT THERE.
SECOND CITY, GETTING PAID $150 A WEEK--
YOU PROBABLY GOT $175, EASILY--
- NO, I DIDN'T. I DID NOT.
- WAS--WAS BETTER, TENFOLD,
THAN THE YALE DRAMA SCHOOL IN TERMS OF WHAT I LEARNED.
- SURE.
- IT JUST-- THAT BEING IMMERSED.
- EVERY NIGHT, YOU'RE IN FRONT OF AN AUDIENCE.
- EVERY NIGHT, AND IMPROVISING A LOT OF THE TIME, AND--
- YES, RIGHT.
- IT WAS JUST THE GREATEST.
- YEAH, I DON'T REMEMBER YOU NOT BEING GOOD AT IT
FROM THE FIRST MOMENT YOU WERE THERE.
- I WAS ROUGH. I HAD TO BE--
AND THEN WE WORKED WITH SHELDON PATINKIN,
AND THEN, FORTUNATELY, WE'RE ALSO WITH PAUL SILLS,
WHO WAS THE ORIGINAL DIRECTOR.
AND PAUL WAS INCREDIBLY BRILLIANT
BUT SPOKE A LANGUAGE I DID NOT UNDERSTAND.
IT WAS KIND OF A TALMUDIC WISCONSONIAN.
- [laughing] YES.
- HE'D GO, "AND THE THING WITH THE THING IN THE THING,"
AND YOU WERE THE ONLY PERSON THAT UNDERSTOOD IT.
FRED COMPLETELY, YOU KNOW... - FRED WILLARD.
- IGNORED HIM IN HIS OWN WAY,
AND I WAS DESPERATELY TRYING TO BE LIKED BY HIM, AND--
- YEAH. - AND ADMIRED.
THE WHOLE 14 MONTHS OR 13 MONTHS IN CHICAGO
AT THAT TIME WAS AN ENORMOUS LEARNING PROCESS.
LIKE AS IF I WERE A CHILD.
- YEAH, FOR ME TOO.
- AND IT MADE THE BIG DIFFERENCE.
[jazzy folk music]
[music]
- WHEN YOU STARTED OUT DOING STAND-UP COMEDY,
WERE YOU AS IRREVERENT THEN AS YOU ARE NOW?
- I THINK I WAS JUST BAD.
I WAS TRYING TO BE IRREVERENT, BUT--
- AND SO WHEN DID YOU FEEL IT COMING?
WHAT STARTED TO HAPPEN?
DID YOU--DID YOU START--
DID YOU START TO GET A FOLLOWING OF SOME KIND,
OR DID YOU--
- WELL, NOT FOR MANY YEARS. - MANY YEARS.
- I MEAN, YOU KNOW, THAT'S THE LAST THING,
I THINK, THAT COMES FOR A COMEDIAN.
- RIGHT. - BOB HOPE ONCE SAID,
THERE'S THREE MAIN ELEMENTS--
TIMING, WHICH I THINK YOU'RE BORN WITH OR NOT...
- RIGHT. - UM, MATERIAL,
WHICH YOU GARNER OVER THE YEARS,
AND THE LAST ONE IS RECOGNITION.
- RIGHT.
- YOU KNOW, AND THAT IS THE ONE
WHERE IT BECOMES FUN.
- YES. - YOU KNOW, I THINK
SO MANY OF THE GUYS I STARTED WITH
NEVER GOT TO THAT LAST PHASE, WHERE IT'S REALLY FUN,
BECAUSE THAT SOMETIMES TAKES 20 YEARS...
- YES, RIGHT. - BEFORE, YOU KNOW,
PEOPLE ARE ACTUALLY BUYING A TICKET TO SEE
SOMETHING THEY ALREADY KNOW THAT THEY LIKE,
AS OPPOSED TO WHEN WE STARTED IN THE COMEDY CLUBS,
IT WAS JUST GENERIC COMEDY.
- SURE. - YOU KNOW, MAYBE LAST WEEK
AT THE COMEDY BARREL, IT WAS CARROT TOP.
AND NOW IT'S ME. - RIGHT.
- AND SOMEBODY WHO WAS THERE LAST WEEK,
HOPING TO SEE SOMETHING THAT'S MORE LIKE CARROT TOP,
NOW THEY GOT ME.
NOW I GOTTA WIN THEM OVER JUST TO WHAT I DO.
- YEAH.
- THAT'S THE BAD, PAINFUL PART OF IT.
- AND YOU HAVE TO INTRODUCE YOURSELF.
THEY HAVE TO KNOW WHO YOU ARE. - YES, RIGHT.
- THE HARDEST THING IS TO LET AN AUDIENCE KNOW
WHO YOU ARE.
- RIGHT. - BEFORE YOU'RE FUNNY.
- RIGHT. - SO RECOGNITION AT LEAST
GIVES YOU THAT. - IT'S THE BEST.
- PEOPLE ALWAYS SAY, "IT MUST BE SO HARD
TO BE A STAND-UP," AND I ALWAYS SAY,
"ALL THE PAIN IS IN THE FIRST FEW YEARS."
- RIGHT. - THEN YOU'RE OKAY.
- THEN YOU'RE OKAY, 'CAUSE--
- ONCE YOU HAVE 20, EVEN 20, 30 MINUTES
OF MATERIAL THAT WORKS, YOU CAN MAKE A LIVING.
- YES. - YOU'RE NOT LIKE THE ACTORS
OFF TO WAIT TABLES. - RIGHT.
- WE ALWAYS LORDED IT OVER THEM IN NEW YORK.
YOU KNOW, I NEVER WAITED A TABLE, OKAY?
I COULD ALWAYS-- YOU ALWAYS GET GIGS FOR $50--
I DID GIGS FOR $30. - RIGHT.
- SOMETHING PAID THE RENT. - RIGHT.
BUT, YOU KNOW, YOU HAD A HARD THING
THAT I MANAGED TO ESCAPE, WHICH WAS,
I NEVER HAD TO BE ON WITH A WHOLE GROUP OF COMEDIANS.
- NO, I WAS AT-- I HAD THE OPPOSITE PROBLEM,
WHICH I LAMENTED AT THE TIME, WHICH IS I FELT LIKE
I CAME ALONG WHEN THERE WAS A COMEDY BOOM.
YOU KNOW, WHEN I STARTED AT THE BEGINNING OF THE '80s,
IT WAS--EVERY CITY HAD SIX, EIGHT COMEDY CLUBS.
- RIGHT.
- IT WAS, YOU KNOW, THE NEW THING.
AND, OF COURSE, THEY HAD TO FILL THEM WITH--
I HAD GUYS, WHEN I WAS AT CATCH A RISING STAR,
YOU KNOW, WHO WERE, LIKE, DENTISTS BY DAY,
COMEDIANS BY NIGHT.
- YES, YES. - EVERYBODY WANTED TO BE...
- STOCKBROKERS WOULD GO ONSTAGE. - A COMEDIAN, YEAH.
- YEAH. - YEAH.
- SEE, MY--WHEN I WANTED TO BE A COMEDIAN,
I MEAN, NO ONE WANTED TO BE A COMEDIAN,
BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T GET A TELEVISION SHOW FROM IT.
- RIGHT.
- SO YOU ONLY DID IT BECAUSE YOU WANTED TO DO IT,
WHICH IS STILL--YOUR GROUP WAS STILL DOING THAT, RIGHT?
- NO, WHEN I WAS AT CATCH A RISING STAR
AND THE IMPROV BACK IN NEW YORK AROUND '80,
THE TEMPLATE WAS,
YOU DEVELOP AN HOUR OF CLEAN MATERIAL
HERE IN THE CLUBS, CLEAN MATERIAL.
- RIGHT. - SO THAT YOU HAVE
FIVE OR SIX SHOTS TO GO ON JOHNNY CARSON.
- CORRECT.
- THEN, AFTER YOU'VE DONE THAT MANY,
THEY WILL GIVE YOU A SIT-COM.
- YES. - BECAUSE WE SAW THAT HAPPEN
TO ROBIN WILLIAMS AND SOME PEOPLE.
SO THAT'S WHAT WE ALL HAD IN OUR--
JERRY SEINFELD WENT ON BENSON.
- YES, THAT'S RIGHT. HE WAS ON BENSON.
- CAN YOU THINK OF A BIGGER WASTE OF TALENT?
- YEAH, HE WAS FIRED OFF OF IT.
- YES, FIRED OFF OF BENSON.
BUT THAT'S WHAT WE ALL THOUGHT.
THAT'S WHAT WE WANTED TO DO-- CLEAN MATERIAL,
GO OUT TO THE WEST COAST, JOHNNY CARSON, SIT-COM.
- YEAH. - AND THEN FREDDY PRINZE,
RIGHT IN THE HEAD.
- [laughing] YES, YEAH.
[jazzy folk music]
[music]
SO WHEN DID THE STAND-UP START?
- AFTER THE YALE DRAMA SCHOOL,
I WENT DOWN TO THE VILLAGE ON HOOTENANNY NIGHT,
AND I GOT UP A FEW TIMES AND DID WELL AT THE CAFE WHA.
AND THEN I WENT TO THE BITTER END
AND FREDDY WEINTRAUB, AND I DID A COUPLE OF--
AND THEN THE FOURTH WEEK, I WENT DOWN AT HOOTENANNY,
AND I BOMBED.
AND THE FIFTH WEEK, AND I DIDN'T KNOW
THAT I DIDN'T HAVE THE TECHNIQUE.
SECOND CITY CURED ALL THAT,
BEING IN FRONT OF PEOPLE ALL THE TIME.
AND I USED TO, YOU KNOW, IN INTRODUCING YOU
OR INTRODUCING ONE OF THE OTHER SKETCHES,
I'D PUT IN A FEW THINGS...
- MM-HMM. - AND BEGIN TO DEVELOP
SOME SORT OF STAND-UP TECHNIQUE.
- DID YOU-- DID YOU GO TO THE IMPROV?
WAS THAT ANOTHER PLACE OF YOURS AS WELL?
THE IMPROV--
- A GUY NAMED DAVID STEINBERG, YOU...
- YES. - TOLD ME ABOUT THE IMPROV.
- I DON'T REMEMBER THAT.
- I WAS IN MY FIRST BROADWAY SHOW,
THE FIRST ONE I EVER AUDITIONED FOR.
MIKE NICHOLS GAVE ME THE JOB.
APPLE TREE.
BUT I WANTED TO DO STAND-UP.
AND THERE WAS A PLACE DOWN THE STREET
THAT YOU TOLD ME ABOUT, YOU ACTUALLY DID,
THAT THEY HAD PROFESSIONALS GO UP,
NOT JUST ANYONE LIKE A HOOTENANNY.
- MM-HMM. - BUDD FRIEDMAN, WHO OWNED IT,
44th AND 9th, HE WANTED TO KNOW THAT--
IF YOU WERE IN A BROADWAY SHOW, HE'D PUT YOU ON RIGHT AWAY.
- MM-HMM. - YOU KNOW.
SO I WENT DOWN THERE AND DID STAND-UP,
AND I KILLED 'EM, YOU KNOW?
I MEAN, I JUST WAS TERRIFIC.
AND THIS GUY COMES OVER TO ME,
DRESSED IN A BLACK SUIT AND A RED TIE.
HE SAYS, "F--" SHOULD I--
OH, WE'RE ON SHOWTIME. I CAN CURSE, RIGHT?
- SURE. - HE SAID, "I'LL TELL YOU, MATE,
"YOU WERE FUCKIN' BRILLIANT.
AND I'M A TOUGH COCKSUCKER."
- THAT WAS RODNEY DANGERFIELD, RIGHT?
- YEAH, THIS WAS IN THE FALL OF '66,
AND HE SAID, "YOU GOTTA COME HERE EVERY NIGHT
FOR THREE YEARS."
THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT HE SAID.
AND HE WAS RIGHT.
THAT WAS MY COLLEGE FOR COMEDY.
- AND HE MENTORED GUYS. HE WAS--
HE MENTORED A LOT OF GUYS. - I WAS HIS FIRST.
AND THE 11 ROLLICKING YEARS WITH HIM WERE AMAZING...
- YEAH.
- IN WHICH I LEARNED A LOT ABOUT EVERYTHING--
THE TECHNIQUES OF HOLDING THE MIC,
WRITING JOKES.
AT THAT TIME, HE WROTE HIS OWN JOKES.
AND HIS JOKES WERE LIKE, UM,
ART BUCHWALD OR-- OR SOME OF THEM LIKE,
"I'LL TELL YA, I PLAYED A LOTTA--"
YOU KNOW, "I'LL TELL YA, OUR STREETS ARE UNSAFE.
"OUR CARS ARE UNSAFE.
"OUR SCHOOLS ARE UNSAFE. OUR PARKS ARE UNSAFE.
BUT UNDER OUR ARMS, WE HAVE COMPLETE PROTECTION."
YOU KNOW.
[laughter]
AND THAT'S--I MEAN, MANY THINGS LIKE THAT
THAT WERE CLEVER.
HE WAS A TRUE PAGLIACCI IN THE SENSE
THAT MANY COMEDIANS ARE.
THEY HARBOR ALL KINDS-- I THINK THAT'S TRUE, BY THE WAY.
I-I HAVE MY OWN BLUE PERIODS.
THERE IS SOMETHING--
MY FATHER WAS A BRILLIANT LIVING ROOM COMEDIAN,
BUT HE WAS MOODY, YOU KNOW,
AND HE COULD-- YOU KNOW, I DON'T KNOW.
BUT THERE IS SOMETHING TO THAT.
- YEAH, WELL, YOU--
OTHERWISE, YOU'RE JUST, PSSH! BLAND.
YOU HAVE TO COME FROM SOMETHING
AND OVERCOME SOMETHING.
I REMEMBER I WA--
I WAS DOING STAND-UP, AND I WAS IN CLEVELAND.
BY MYSELF.
I DIDN'T KNOW ANYONE IN CLEVELAND.
AND IT WAS 5:00.
I SAW ALL THESE CARS HEADING TO THE SUBURBS
TO SEE THEIR FAMILIES AND ALL OF THAT.
AND I THOUGHT, "YOU KNOW, THIS IS JUST SO LONELY."
YOU KNOW, I LIKED BEING ONSTAGE.
I LOVED WHEN IT WORKED. I MEAN, I LIKED STAND-UP.
YOU KNOW, I LIKED IT.
BUT I THOUGHT, "I DON'T WANT THIS TO BE MY LIFE FOREVER,
WHERE I'M ON THE ROAD ALL THE TIME, YOU KNOW."
I JUST--JUST DIDN'T FEEL IT WAS A HEALTHY LIFE.
DID YOU EVER HAVE A MOMENT LIKE THAT?
- [chuckles]
PLENTY.
BUT I TELL YOU, BEING UP THERE IS LONELY.
UM, I DON'T FEEL VULNERABLE ANYMORE,
UNLESS IT'S SOME SPECIAL THING WHERE THE AUDIENCE
CAN'T HEAR YOU OR SEE YOU.
I HAVE ENOUGH EXPERIENCE. I DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
BUT I HAVE BOMBING DREAMS.
AND I'VE--OTHER COMEDIANS HAVE TOLD ME SIMILARLY.
I HAVE TWO KINDS.
ONE IS THEY DON'T LAUGH.
WE HAD A SCENE IN ONE OF MY NBC SPECIALS
YEARS AGO, IN '81,
WITH MARVIN BRAVERMAN GOING,
[imitating Braverman] "NOT FUNNY!"
YOU KNOW, IN THE AUDIENCE, AND ME GOING,
"WELL, ANYWAY, ALL RIGHT--"
"NOT FUNNY! NOT FUNNY!"
THE AUDIENCE DOES IT. WE ACTED OUT A DREAM.
THE OTHER ONE IS BEING ONSTAGE AND NOT KNOWING YOUR LINES,
NOT AS A STAND-UP, BUT IN AN ENSEMBLE.
- ACTING, YEAH. - UM--
- SO YOU-- THOSE ARE LIKE THAT--
THEY OCCUR TO YOU IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT,
STUFF LIKE THAT? - DREAMING, YEAH, YEAH.
I GET UP.
UM, I MEAN, BOUND TO BE UP ANYWAY.
- SURE. - PEEING.
- [laughs] YES.
- UM, THAT'S THE ONLY THING, I THINK,
THAT MCCAIN HAD ON OBAMA.
YOU KNOW, IN THAT 3:00 A.M. CALL, HILLARY CLINTON--
WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE AFTER 3:00 A.M.?
HE'LL BE UP, TAKING A LEAK.
SO HE'D GET THE JETS IN THE AIR FASTER.
[laughter]
- UM, YES, THEY'RE-- THEY'RE RECURRING.
THEY HAPPEN INFREQUENTLY, BUT THEY DO.
THERE'S STILL A VULNERABILITY.
THERE'S STILL A "PEOPLE NOT PAYING ATTENTION"
KIND OF NIGHTMARE.
- YES, RIGHT. - TALKING WHEN YOU'RE ON
AND NOT CARING WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.
AND THAT REALLY DOESN'T HAPPEN IN REALITY.
IT HAPPENED DURING MY CAREER, LIKE ANYONE ELSE'S,
BUT I STILL ENJOY IT.
I TELL YOU, MY PARENTS,
THEY RETIRED TO SOUTH FLORIDA.
I HAVE A BEEF WITH SOUTH FLORIDA.
WHEN THEY WERE 65, I SENT TWO HEALTHY,
VIBRANT 65-YEAR-OLD PARENTS TO SOUTH FLORIDA.
30 YEARS LATER, THEY WERE DEAD.
[laughter]
I MEAN, WHAT IS IT, THE AIR DOWN THERE?
[jazzy folk music]
[music]
- SO FILMS AND STUFF,
WERE THERE PEOPLE THAT INFLUENCED YOU IN THAT,
THAT YOU SAID-- LIKE, WHAT MADE IT START
WHEN YOU WERE IN HIGH SCHOOL OR WHATEVER?
- THE FIRST COMEDIANS I EVER REMEMBER EMULATING
WERE THE SMOTHERS BROTHERS.
THEY--NOT EVEN THEIR VARIETY SHOW.
DO YOU REMEMBER THEIR SIT-COM?
- THE ANGEL SHOW? - THE ANGEL.
- YEAH.
- I WAS ONLY ABOUT SEVEN YEARS OLD.
MY FAMILY WILL REMEMBER THIS.
THE FIRST THING THEY SAY THAT I DID
THAT INDICATED I MIGHT WIND UP IN SHOW BUSINESS WAS
I IMITATED TOMMY, 'CAUSE HE HAD THAT STUTTERING--
- STUTTERING, YEAH.
- HE HAD A VERY DEFINITIVE-- - ABSOLUTELY.
- PART OF THEIR SHTICK WAS, YOU KNOW,
HIS SPUTTERING AND-- - YES.
AND LOOKING-- HIS EYES WERE INCREDIBLE.
- RIGHT. - AND INCREDIBLE TIMING.
- AND WHEN I WAS A LITTLE KID, I IMITATED THAT,
AND I LOVED THEIR ALBUMS.
- MM-HMM. - I MEAN, TO THIS DAY,
WHEN I SEE TOMMY, WE DON'T SAY HELLO.
WE BOTH START SINGING MEDIOCRE FRED.
- OH, MEDIOCRE FRED, YEAH, YES.
- I'LL JUST SEE HIM, AND I'LL--
WE'LL BOTH JUST GO INTO, "WELL, THE DAYS WENT BY
"ALL DULL AND GRAY.
"FRED DIDN'T DO MUCH AND HAD LITTLE TO SAY.
"WHEN THE FULL MOON ROSE, HE'D CLIMB OVER THE MOAT,
FIND SOME PEOPLE SLEEPING, AND HE'D BITE THEIR THROAT!"
- [laughs] - WHEN I WAS SEVEN YEARS OLD,
I THOUGHT THAT WAS THE FUNNIEST THING IN THE WORLD.
- RIGHT, WELL, TOMMY COULD REACH SEVEN-YEAR-OLDS,
AND COULD REACH 70-YEAR--
- YEAH, NO, ABSOLUTELY. - HE GOT EVERYBODY.
- YEAH.
- AND ALSO, THEY WERE GREAT MUSICIANS ON TOP OF IT.
- YEAH.
YEAH, THEIR--
YEAH, ALL THEIR COMEDY ALBUMS ALWAYS--
THE BIT ENDED WITH A REAL SONG.
- YEAH.
- BUT THE ONLY OLD SCHOOL GUY I LIKED WAS ALAN KING.
- HE WAS TERRIFIC.
- I THOUGHT ALAN KING ALWAYS SORT OF BRIDGED THAT GAP
BETWEEN THE BORSCHT BELT AND THE--YOU, ROBERT KLEIN...
- YES. - TYPE OF COMEDIAN.
'CAUSE, YOU KNOW, HE DID SOME OLD--"MY MOTHER-IN-LAW"--
YOU KNOW, GOT BACK FROM THE AIRPORT, WHAT A PLEASURE TRIP.
WHATEVER, THAT--
BUT HE ALSO, ONCE IN A WHILE, TOOK A HIP PILL, YOU KNOW.
- YES.
- AND HE SAID SOMETHING REALLY SUBVERSIVE.
AND HE JUST WAS ANGRY.
- ANGRY, YES.
- YOU KNOW, JUST-- HE WAS JUST A GOOD COMEDIAN.
- MY WIFE AND I WERE KIDS TOGETHER.
I KNOW HER SINCE SHE'S 7 1/2 YEARS OLD.
WE CAME FROM A TENEMENT SECTION, THE SLUMS.
MY WIFE COMES FROM THIS TYPE OF NEIGHBORHOOD.
OF COURSE, TO LOOK AT HER TODAY...
[whistles]
YOU WOULD NEVER DREAM.
UNLESS YOU TALK TO HER. THEN YOU'D KNOW.
[laughter]
I EVEN HAVE A PICTURE OF HER OLD NOSE.
[laughter]
IT'S THE ONLY DEFENSE I HAVE LEFT WHEN SHE STEPS OUTTA LINE.
I SHOW HER THE WEDDING PICTURE.
"YOU REMEMBER, CYRANO? THERE IT IS."
- IN THAT ERA, COMEDIANS WORKED A LONG TIME
BEFORE THEY EVER GOT ON TELEVISION.
- RIGHT. - BY THE TIME THEY GOT UP THERE,
THEY WERE GROWN-ASS MEN WHO KNEW WHAT THEY WERE DOING.
- RIGHT.
- IN MY ERA, BECAUSE OF THIS COMEDY BOOM...
- YEAH.
- THEY USED TO TAKE YOU VERY SOON
AND PUT YOU IN FRONT OF A BRICK WALL,
IN WHAT I USED TO CALL THE "BRICK WALL SHOWS."
'CAUSE THERE WERE--
THEY BASICALLY JUST TOOK THE CAMERA INTO THE COMEDY--
AN EVENING AT THE IMPROV. - YEAH. RIGHT.
- SO, WE--YOU KNOW, I DID THE TONIGHT SHOW,
WHICH WAS THE PINNACLE... - RIGHT.
- ONLY ABOUT THREE YEARS AFTER
MY FIRST TIME I WALKED ON A STAGE.
- THAT'S PRETTY FAST. - YEAH.
- RIGHT. - AND IT SHOWED.
YOU KNOW, I THINK I DID OKAY THERE BECAUSE I ONLY NEEDED
FIVE OR SIX MINUTES AND JOHNNY WAS SO SUPPORTIVE,
AND THE AUDIENCE-- YOU KNOW, WHEN JOHNNY WENT,
[imitates Johnny Carson] "UH, WE HAVE A NEW COMEDIAN.
THAT IS THE HARDEST-- HARDEST COMMODITY TO FIND."
I USED TO THINK, HARDEST COMMODITY TO FIND?
YOU CAN'T SWING A DEAD CAT
WITHOUT HITTING A COMIC THESE DAYS, JOHNNY.
YOU GOTTA UPDATE THAT A LITTLE.
IT'S NOT THE HARDEST COMMODITY TO FIND.
YOU HAVE--YOU HAD A NEW GUY LAST WEEK,
YOU GOT A NEW GUY NEXT WEEK. - RIGHT.
- I'M JUST THE NEW GUY THIS WEEK.
BUT THE AUDIENCE, YOU KNOW--
YOU HAD TO REALLY TRY TO FUCK THAT UP.
- YES.
- TO DO BAD ON THE TONIGHT SHOW, WITH JOHNNY,
YOU KNOW, WITH ALL HIS GRACIOUS CHARM PAVING THE WAY FOR YOU.
BUT A LOT OF THESE COMEDIANS--
WE WERE JUST TOO YOUNG. - YEAH.
- WE DID NOT--OUR TELEVISION WAS OUR CATSKILLS.
- SURE. - YOU KNOW, WHEREAS--
BY THE TIME ALAN KING-- WHEN YOU SAW HIM,
HE WAS 40 OR SOMETHING, AND HE WAS GOOD.
I COME FROM AN ETHNIC HERITAGE, I COME FROM A MIXED MARRIAGE,
WHICH MEANS MY MOTHER IS JEWISH AND MY FATHER IS CATHOLIC.
THAT IS THE TRUTH. I WAS RAISED CATHOLIC FORMALLY.
ALTHOUGH I MUST SAY THE JEWISH MIND COMES OUT
EVEN IN THE CATHOLIC SYSTEM.
I'LL GIVE YOU AN EXAMPLE.
WE USED TO GO INTO CONFESSION,
AND I WOULD BRING A LAWYER IN WITH ME.
[laughter, applause]
IT'S TRUE. YEAH.
BLESS ME, FATHER, FOR I HAVE SINNED.
I THINK YOU KNOW MR. COHEN.
[laughter]
[jazzy folk music]
[music]
- WHO DID YOU SEE THAT WAS FUNNY WHEN YOU WERE A KID?
- I LOVED EVERY COMEDIAN I EVER SAW ON TELEVISION.
WE GOT A TELEVISION IN '51.
AND I WAS A KID, AND I-- IT'S BEEN ON EVER SINCE.
I MEAN, I LOVED ALL THE COMEDIANS I SAW.
I WOULD SAY THAT SERGEANT BILKO IS--
AND HONEYMOONERS--
ARE TWO OF THE GREATEST SITCOMS OF ALL TIME.
PROBABLY IN THE TOP FOUR OR FIVE.
- YEAH, I AGREE WITH YOU.
- PHIL SILVERS HAD A TREMENDOUS ENERGY
AND TIMING, AND THAT-- YOU KNOW--
MALE BONDING.
YOU KNOW, ALL THESE BURLESQUE COMICS THAT HE USED
LIKE HERBIE FAYE, AND-- - YEAH.
- AND IT MADE A VERY FUNNY THING.
BUT I NEVER WANTED TO DO SITCOMS
BECAUSE NONE OF THEM WERE AS FUNNY AS THAT.
I WOULD SAY ALL IN THE FAMILY WAS.
- YEAH, BUT NO, YOU CAN'T DO AS GOOD AS THE HONEYMOONERS,
AND YOU CAN'T DO BILKO.
AND THE WAY THEY SHOT THOSE THINGS, YOU KNOW,
LIKE, A GROUP OF PEOPLE.
THERE'S NEVER A CLOSE-UP OF ANYONE.
YOU SAW BILKO STANDING THERE WITH THE WHOLE GROUP,
WITH DOBERMAN AND EVERYBODY,
AND YOU DIDN'T--IT DIDN'T GO-- YOU DIDN'T CUT TO SOMEONE.
YOU JUST SAW A THEATRICAL VERSION OF SOMETHING.
- THEY ALSO HAD TROOPS
WATCHING THE INITIAL COUPLE OF YEARS, I THINK,
AND SO THE LAUGH TRACK WAS REAL, WITH MILITARY PERSONNEL.
THE IDEA OF MAKING PEOPLE LAUGH IN ONE,
ESPECIALLY, IS A VERY WONDERFUL FEELING.
I STILL CONSIDER IT A HIGH CALLING IN MANY RESPECTS,
BECAUSE FOR THOSE FEW MOMENTS PEOPLE FORGET THEIR TROUBLES.
ALL THE MANIFESTATIONS,
PHYSICALLY, OF LAUGHTER, ARE NEGATIVE.
BLOOD PRESSURE, CHEEKS HURT... - RIGHT.
- BUT THE BOTTOM LINE IS THAT
THERE'S A THERAPEUTIC VALUE TO IT
THAT YOU WANT IN GOOD TIMES AND BAD TIMES.
- NOT JUST FOR YOU, YOU MEAN, FOR THE AUDIENCE.
- FOR THE AUDIENCE. - FOR EVERYBODY.
- YES. I MEAN, YOU KNOW...
STAND-UP, WHICH I ASSUME, BASICALLY,
IS A POST-WORLD WAR II PHENOMENON--
THERE WAS MUSIC HALL, THERE WAS BURLESQUE,
YOU KNOW, BUT A GUY IN A CLUB ATMOSPHERE
STANDING UP AND BEING FUNNY,
IN THE JOE E. LEWIS TRADITION--
WHOSE PICTURES ARE ALL OVER THIS JOINT--
THAT'S--THAT'S SORT OF MORE RECENT.
IT'S NOT ANCIENT. - YEAH.
YEAH, AND YOU KNOW, JOE E. LEWIS WAS A SINGER.
AND THEN--AND THAT'S HOW HE STARTED OUT.
AND HE GOT-- SOMETHING WITH THE MAFIA,
AND HIS THROAT WAS CUT BY THE MAFIA IN A GAMBLING DEBT.
AND SO--
BUT SO HE WENT ONSTAGE IN FLORIDA
WITH HIS ACCOMPANIST ON THE PIANO,
AND INSTEAD OF-- HE COULDN'T SING,
SO HE TALKED, AND THAT'S HOW HE STARTED
THIS SORT OF STAND-UP. - I NEVER HEARD THAT.
- YEAH, SO HE ACTUALLY WAS ONE OF THE FIRST STAND-UP COMEDIANS.
AND ALL THOSE VEGAS COMEDIANS
LIKE SHECKY GREENE-- AND I'M NOT SURE BUDDY HACKETT--
THEY ALL THEN WORKED WITH A GUY PLAYING THE PIANO.
IT WASN'T THAT JOE E. LEWIS--
HE ONLY HAD THE GUY PLAYING THE PIANO
'CAUSE HE WAS USED TO HIM AS A SINGER.
SO THEN HE ADDED MUSIC IN SOME WAY.
AND YOU'RE A THROWBACK TO THAT.
- I DO WORK WITH MUSIC ALL THE TIME.
I ALWAYS, UM...
YOU KNOW, THEY SAY-- MY PARENTS SAID
I COULD HUM A TUNE BEFORE I COULD TALK.
I COME FROM A VERY MUSICAL FAMILY.
SO I USE MUSIC.
BOB STEIN AND I HAVE BEEN WORKING TOGETHER 28 YEARS.
IN OVER 44, 45 YEARS DOING STAND-UP,
I'VE HAD FOUR ACCOMPANISTS.
BOB IS THE LONGEST, ALSO IS A WONDERFUL PRODUCER
OF MY HBO SPECIALS.
AND WE'VE BEEN NOMINATED FOR TWO PRIMETIME EMMYS,
INCLUDING ONE LAST YEAR FOR THIS SONG,
HYMN TO AMERICA ABOUT OBAMA,
AND ALSO FOR THE COLONOSCOPY SONG IN 2001.
WE DID NOT WIN.
BUT THE IDEA OF BEING RECOGNIZED AFTER ALL THESE YEARS.
I LOVE MUSIC, I LOVE FUNNY MUSIC.
[piano and harmonica playing blues music]
[music]
[music] I CAN'T STOP MY LEG
[laughter, applause]
[music] I CAN'T STOP MY LEG
[plays harmonica]
[music]
[music] I CAN'T STOP MY LEG
[music]
[music] I CAN'T STOP MY LEG, BABE
[music]
[music] CAN YOU STOP MY LEG?
[music] MY LEG STOPPED
[music] MM, YEAH, WHOA...
[music] OOH, WHOA
[music] WELL, THANK YOU, LOVE, FOR STOPPING MY LEG
[music] OH, IT FEELS SO GOOD
[music] JUST SITTIN' DOWN THERE WITH FOOT ON THE GROUND
[music] LIKE A LEG OUGHTA BE
[music] WHOA, THANK YOU
[music] FOR STOPPIN' MY
[music] I'M GONNA THANK YOU
[music] THERE IT GOES AGAIN!
[jazzy folk music]
[music]
- NOW, DID YOU HEAR A LOT OF NEGATIVES ABOUT RELIGULOUS?
I MEAN, WERE PEOPLE GOING-- - OH, OF COURSE.
SURE. WE ATTACKED RELIGION IN AMERICA.
- SO YOU FELT IT WITH THE RELIGIOUS THING.
I MEAN, THAT'S WHEN PEOPLE DO GO NUTS,
MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE THAT YOU DO, I WOULD IMAGINE.
- BUT EVEN BEFORE THAT I DID, EVEN BEFORE WE MADE THE MOVIE,
'CAUSE I'D BEEN TALKING ABOUT IT ON TELEVISION
FOR ALL THOSE YEARS.
I DIDN'T FIND OUT TILL AFTER I GOT FIRED
AFTER WHAT I SAID ABOUT THE TERRORISTS ON 9/11
THAT A LOT OF THAT STARTED WITH THIS--
THIS RADIO STATION IN TEXAS
THAT HAD BEEN TRYING TO GET ME OFF THE AIR FOR YEARS,
MOSTLY BECAUSE OF THINGS I SAID ABOUT RELIGION.
- RIGHT.
- SO THEY HAD A CAMPAIGN TO GET RID OF ME
AND THEN THEY SAW AN OPPORTUNITY.
THE SAME WAY AS THE REPUBLICANS--
AS SOON AS CLINTON GOT ELECTED,
THEY NEVER SAW HIM AS LEGITIMATE,
AND THEN THEY USED MONICA LEWINSKY
AS A WAY, OR PAULA JONES, YOU KNOW.
SO IT REALLY WASN'T ABOUT 9/11
SO MUCH AS ABOUT WHAT I'D ALWAYS SAID ABOUT RELIGION.
- RELIGION, YEAH.
- IN FACT, NOT ONLY IS ATHEISM NOT A RELIGION,
IT'S NOT EVEN MY HOBBY.
AND THAT'S THE BEST THING ABOUT BEING AN ATHEIST.
IT REQUIRES SO LITTLE OF YOUR TIME.
BUT THERE IS A GROWING TREND IN THIS COUNTRY
THAT NEEDS TO BE CALLED OUT.
AND THAT IS TO LABEL
ANY EVIDENCE-BASED BELIEF A RELIGION.
MANY CONSERVATIVES NOW SAY
THAT BELIEF IN MAN-MADE CLIMATE CHANGE IS A RELIGION.
AND DARWINISM IS A RELIGION.
AND OF COURSE ATHEISM, THE TOTAL LACK OF RELIGION,
IS SOMEHOW A RELIGION TOO,
ACCORDING TO THE ALWAYS RELIABLE ENCYCLOPEDIA MORONICA.
- AMERICA'S A CALVINISTIC COUNTRY.
- YEAH. - AND IF YOU DO ANYTHING--
I MEAN, YOU KNOW, THE SMOTHERS BROTHERS
WERE THROWN OFF THE AIR FROM SOMETHING THAT I DID.
- I REMEMBER THE BIT. - YEAH. AND IT WAS--
SAFE IN A WAY, NOW, BUT OUTRAGEOUS THEN.
WHICH I DIDN'T EVEN--I DIDN'T THINK OF IT AS OUTRAGEOUS.
- I REMEMBER THE BIT, I REMEMBER YOU DOING IT ON THAT SHOW
AND IN--ON SOME OTHER SHOW.
- ON THE TONIGHT SHOW. YEAH. - YES.
- YEAH, THE TONIGHT SHOW WAS FINE,
AND THEN WHEN WE DID IT THERE-- AND I NEVER FORGET IT--
YOU KNOW, TOMMY SMOTHERS CALLED ME IN
VERY GLEEFUL AND EXCITED ONE DAY,
AND HE SAID, "I WANNA SHOW YOU SOMETHING."
AND HE OPENED A DOOR, AND THERE WERE, LIKE,
DUFFEL BAGS ALL OVER THIS ROOM.
- MAIL? - MAIL.
AND HE SAID VERY HAPPILY, "THAT'S YOUR HATE MAIL!"
YOU KNOW, LIKE, HE WAS THRILLED ABOUT IT.
I SAID, "YOU KNOW, I'M STARTING A CAREER HERE.
IT'S NOT THE HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE," BUT--
- WELL, BUT WHAT I LEARNED IS FOR EVERY BAG OF HATE
THERE'S A BAG OF LOVE.
- [laughs] - THEY JUST DON'T SEND IT.
- EXACTLY. EXACTLY.
- THEY DON'T SEND THE LOVE, THEY SEND THE HATE.
NO ONE EVER PROTESTS-- "YES! KEEP HIM ON THE AIR!
WE MUST HAVE THE STATUS QUO!"
- [laughs] YES. THAT'LL NEVER-- THAT'LL NEVER HAPPEN.
AND SO--
SO YOU SLIDE INTO TELEVISION,
AND YOU IMMEDIATELY CARVE OUT A TERRITORY FOR YOURSELF
THAT MOST COMEDIANS NEVER EVEN THOUGHT OF DOING,
WHICH IS JUST TO BE TOTALLY HONEST ON TELEVISION,
WHICH NO ONE DOES. - YEAH.
- I MEAN, NO ONE AT ALL. I MEAN, YOU'RE--YOU--
- YEAH, AND I-- YOU KNOW, AND I'VE--
WHATEVER HAS HAPPENED TO ME, I ALWAYS STUCK BY THAT.
I ALWAYS STUCK--I SORT OF KNEW RIGHT FROM THE BEGINNING,
EVEN WHEN WE WERE ON COMEDY CENTRAL
AND WE WERE GETTING, LIKE, A .2 RATING,
I KINDA GOT IT THAT THAT WAS MY BOND WITH THE AUDIENCE.
- YES.
- SO THROUGH DIFFERENT NETWORKS OR FIRINGS OR PRESSURE,
OR WHATEVER, IT WAS LIKE, THAT WAS MY LODESTAR.
- YEAH.
- JUST BE THE ONE GUY WHO DOESN'T PULL A PUNCH.
- CORRECT.
- AND A CERTAIN SEGMENT OF THE AUDIENCE WILL REWARD THAT.
- YEAH.
- AND STAY WITH YOU AND BE VERY LOYAL.
- WELL, THEY CAN'T GET YOU. NO ONE COULD GET YOU.
IF YOU'RE NOT HIDING ANYTHING... - RIGHT.
- THERE'S NOTHING-- THEY CAN'T GET YOU.
- THAT'S ANOTHER THING. YEAH.
IT'S FUNNY, I USED TO-- WHEN I WAS--
USED TO BE OUT DRINKING AND RUNNING AROUND ALL THE TIME,
AND THE PAPARAZZI, AND I'D BE LIKE,
WHAT ARE YOU TAKING A PICTURE OF?
I'M NOT MARRIED, I'M NOT GAY.
- RIGHT.
- I ALWAYS ANNOUNCE I'M A POT SMOKER.
- RIGHT. - YOU KNOW.
I HAVE A DRINK IN MY HAND. I THINK THAT'S LEGAL.
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GETTING HERE?
- YEAH, I'M NOT HIDING ANYTHING.
- YEAH, BILL MAHER HAVING A GREAT TIME.
- RIGHT. - [laughs] YOU GOT ME.
- YOU KNOW, JERRY SEINFELD SAID SOMETHING ABOUT ME
THAT MORE APPLIES TO YOU, AND HE SAID TO--
AND I'M GONNA GIVE YOU THE BENEDICTION--
IS YOU HAVE QUALITY BALLS.
- [laughs]
- UH, IT'S--
IT'S A SPECIAL INTERVIEW FOR ME TO HAVE YOU HERE.
AND I JUST WANT TO THANK YOU FOR DOING THIS.
IT'S ALWAYS GREAT TO SEE YOU.
- YOU KNOW HOW THEY SAY ON THE THING,
THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME.
BUT ESPECIALLY HERE, I SAW YOUR SHOW, I WANTED TO BE INCLUDED.
[applause]
- GOOD.
- THAT WAS A GOOD REHEARSAL, FOLKS. OKAY, NOW...
[laughter]
[jazzy folk music]
[music]